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Category Archives: Windbreaking News

Worldwide Manhunt Ordered to Find Sony’s Balls

by uncle romulus   When the DCN first learned that Sony was making a movie about an assassination plot on the life of North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un [sic], we thought, why not take all that money and pay someone to really assassinate him instead? Wouldn’t that be vastly more entertaining than subjecting ourselves […]

The Bells of St. Ebenezer

Dark Corner, SC – Not to be outdone by the recent decision of The First Two Square Five Points Calvinist Church to allow the internment of ashes on their property, another local church has jumped on the liturgical bandwagon. St. Ebenezer Community Church and Masonic Lodge added the tolling of bells to their daily rituals. Some […]

The Fiscal Pfft

Congress has a history of waiting until the last minute to reach agreements that they could have and should have reached months earlier. Prolonging these decisions enables the mainstream media outlets to have a field day terrorizing Americans, especially after an Orwellian government advisory group, the Metaphor Utilization and Standardization Board, christened our so-called crisis the “Fiscal Cliff.” […]

Happy Lappy

A Letter from Happy Lappy Stores CEO By Donnie Glover, the founder and CEO of Happy Lappy Stores, Inc. When my family and I started our company 4,000 years ago, we were working out of a garage on a twenty-rock bank loan, assembling perpetual motion machines – like those birds that bob up and down […]

Rick Santorum (part douche)

Fear is a primary motivator. Many times it trumps common sense. Just listen to the banter of weak-mindedness in the background of the video (The video has since been removed from YouTube due to “multiple third-party notifications of copyright infringement.”) Personally, I would be much more of afraid of the Santorum-supporting rabble than of any […]

Rick Santorum

I’d like to begin this article by thanking Rick Santorum for running for President. Although the 2012 Presidential race has barely been inseminated, Mr Santorum has provided us with enough material to last through the third trimester and well into the arrival of our new president. Whether it’s abortion, homosexuality, the role of religion in […]

Mr Obama, We Promise not to Detain You Indefinitely.

  image from: ModsAreKillingReddit   For some time I have held to the mantra – Never Believe in the Candidate – and it has served me well thus far.  But, in 2008, the idea of an unseasoned candidate running on the promise of hope and change held a bit of shiny glimmer. After all, the country […]

Al Iburton

Despite all the troop withdrawals, I’m pretty sure the terrorists are winning. I’m just not exactly sure who the terrorists are?  In the beginning (circa 2001) we were told Al-Qaeda was the greatest threat to our freedom. That was easy to buy considering several of their members hijacked and crashed planes into buildings killing thousands of […]

Keystone GOPs

Who would have thought that opposing a bi-partisan and extremely popular bill that prevents a tax increase for millions of Americans, loss of unemployment benefits for millions of Americans, and loss of Medicare reimbursements for doctors would backfire? Obviously, not the Republican party. Why would a party who champions tax reductions be so adamant in […]

The Second American Revolution

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the […]