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Category Archives: America

The country named after Girolamo Vespucci’s little brother

Fox News Renews Contract with Devil

REPUBLIC OF HADES – How could a cable news station started 10 years ago rise to be the top rated cable news show in America. Could it be, Satan? That’s right. Call him what you want to, but look through the names of the board of directors and you’ll find: A. Paul Leon, B.L. Zebub, […]

80% of Americans: State of the Union was a Rerun

THE DC – They probably would have gotten away with it except for one small detail… the voice-overs from the cast of Mystery Science Theater (found within the parentheses). Here are the highlights. THE PRESIDENT: Thank you very much. Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens: As we gather tonight, […]

Meet the 2008 Republicans

The DCN would like to present to you a look at the playing field for 2008. We decided not to include everyone, but just the ones you might accidentally vote for. Fred Thompson (not pictured) – While Fred Thompson has not fully committed to running yet, we couldn’t resist. Fred Thompson, nicknamed the “Tennessee Stud” for […]

Meet the 2008 Democrats

Hilary Clinton – The name itself strikes fear and loathing in the hearts of Republicans across the land. However, the name no longer represents the feminazi succubus of the past but a more moderate Democrat who is arguably the most qualified presidential candidate of the 2008 running field – only because she’s married to Bill. […]

Washington Unveils New Native American Tax

WASHINGTON, DC – Late last week a bill was passed in the House of Representatives that would require Native Americans to pay an additional 35% of their income to the Federal government simply for being Native American.  This bill, the first of it’s kind since the Andrew “Old Hickory” Jackson bill of 1830, is thought […]

Log Cabin Republicans Not Just About Syrup

D of C – We at the DCN were very surprised to find out that a majority of Republicans had no idea that there existed a branch of their own party known as the Log Cabin Republicans. Even the people who had heard of them had no idea what they were all about. “Oh, I […]

New Bill Would Require Fetus to Watch Abortion Procedure

D.C. – A new bill recently passed by the House of Representatives would require any woman seeking an abortion to have her fetus view the procedure. This controversial bill has had members of both parties trying to figure out which is the most popular stance to take. On the one hand, the bill seems almost […]

Don Imus – Nappy Underneath My Hat

NEW YORK – Can what you say on national radio and television get you fired from a show you’ve hosted for the last 30 years? Let’s ask Don Imus. Imus was fired from his own radio show for referring to the Rutgers women’s basketball team as a bunch of “nappy-headed hos.”While at the very least […]

Sharpton Says Hateful Article: “Nothing But a Bunch of Hong Kong Fuey”

SAN FRANCISCO – Asian-American readers are calling on a weekly newspaper to apologize and cut ties with a Wongonese writer who wrote a column titled “Why I Hate Blacks.” In an article, which recently appeared in the San Francisco-based AsianWeek, Sensei Kenneth Eng lists reasons why he supports discrimination against blacks. For example, “I would […]

Louisiana Senator Gets Free Pass Until Judgement Day

D of C -What do David Vitter, R-Louisiana and Hugh Grant have in common? If you guessed a constant facial expression of stupidity, then you would also be correct. It seems as though Senator Vitter’s last visit to the “D.C. Madam” had a not so happy ending. How would you feel if your cell phone […]