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Category Archives: Foreign

Just like American news, except with gratuitous nudity

Um… Can We Get A Refund?

This video (removed from YouTube) should be no surprise to anyone who watched Colin Powell’s presentation to the U.N. on February 5th, 2003 and thought: Is that all we have? Some grainy photographs of a building and a truck and the relayed testimony of one anonymous source? Never mind the fact that the source’s claims […]

US Gov’t Declares War on God

Former Navy chaplain, Gordon Klingenschmitt (yeah, that’s his real name), was recently quoted on a radio show as saying the repeal of DADT (Don’t look At my D[expletive] in the shower Turd-muncher) is a sign that the “government has declared war on God.” He added that there would be a “mass exodus of Christians leaving the […]

Blade Cited for Tax Evasion

LEFT COAST, THE – Wesley Snipes is in the news again and this time Blade is taking on the biggest group of vampires known to man – the IRS. Snipes has been indicted for filing false returns in 1996 and 1997 and failing to file returns from 1999 to 2006. Snipes, like many other graspers […]

The Last Days of Osama Bin Laden Detailed in His Own Diary

PAKISTAN – Earlier this week, a French secret service report claimed that Osama bin Laden had died from a very bad case of typhoid fever. However, this report could not be confirmed until the DCN unearthed bin Laden’s diary, which details his last days on the run with his band of international terrorists. Since portions […]

Chavez Quits

FREEMONT, TX – It seems as if Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez might have to eat his own words (which probably taste a little like Chex Mix sprinkled with ranch dressing mix and sulfur). Yesterday, a spokesperson for Chavez announced that the Venezuelan president would be leaving his post for a higher-paying landscaping job in Freemont, […]

Drunken Diplomat

JERUSALEM – It seems as though the Israeli ambassadors have something in common with the Saudi Arabian ones. Recently, the Israeli ambassador to El Salvador was found in his front yard bound, gagged, drunk, and wearing nothing but a few sex toys. Tsuriel Raphael, who shares his name with a Pakistani chicken dish, has served […]

Swedish Energy Company Plans to Release WinoDiesel

SWEDEN – Only the Scandinavians would do something so heinous. In the years largest merger, Kenny Rogers Chicken and Swedish energy company Umea Energi plan to generate electricity by burning dead chickens. The dead chickens will be incinerated along with other refuse in order to provide electricity to thousands of Swedes. On another note, Swedish […]

Dark Corner News Pulls First Article

DCNHQ – Recently, DCN posted an article entitled “Chick and Norris Team Up to Wipe Out Muslim Threat” by the Gwar Baby. The article detailed a plan by Jack Chick (infamous tract publisher) and Chuck Norris (Supreme Lord and Commander of the Universe) to wipe out scores of Muslim babies who were programmed by Allah […]

There’s No Sand in Sanity

VATICAN, THE – Scores of Catholics erupted in flagrant demonstrations around the world in response to the response of Muslims to the remarks made by Pope Benedict last Sunday about the prophet Mohammed’s teachings being “evil” and “inhuman.” Although, these remarks were made between the early morning teenage contemporary Rock Out for Jesus (and Mary) […]

Confused Bush Accidentally Orders Assault on Mt. Lebanon

ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA– With the escalating crisis in the Middle East, leaders from the world’s eight largest economies gathered in Russia for the annual G8 Summit. Knowing they could not just sit on the sidelines as civilization begins to unravel, the leaders decided to act in unison and strength. After eleven hours of heated debate […]