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Blade Cited for Tax Evasion

LEFT COAST, THE – Wesley Snipes is in the news again and this time Blade is taking on the biggest group of vampires known to man – the IRS. Snipes has been indicted for filing false returns in 1996 and 1997 and failing to file returns from 1999 to 2006. Snipes, like many other graspers of straws, has tried to enact “section 861” of the tax code (not to be confused with section “1861” which actually does absolve Snipes of paying any taxes at all).

Section 861 is an often-misinterpreted clause that pertains to foreigners who accumulate wealth while in the United States – namely, the Saudi Arabians.

Snipes could not be reached for comment because he is in Nambia filming his next movie which is scheduled to wrap up sometime after the statute of limitations runs out for tax evasion. However, Kris “Whistler” Kristopherson had this to say:

“They took my wife… murdered her in front of me, those [vampire expletive]. That wasn’t enough for ’em. They got my good friend Willie Nelson too… took all his pot and sold it to pay his debt. Now they got Blade. I guess we’ll be making Blade IV to pay for this one.”

A word of advice for the DCN audience: pay your taxes. And if you don’t, remember to shoot the IRS agents with silver nitrate bullets or decapitate them when they come a-knocking.

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