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Christian Theme Park Loads of Fun

ORLANDO – Maybe Walt Disney had it all wrong but the DCN can’t seem to wrap our minds around a theme park that, quite frankly, isn’t any fun. There are no rides or funnel cakes and the characters are Roman soldiers who go around whipping Jesus and crucifying him at the end of the day. Now who wants to have your picture made with them? And you thought your kid cried when Pluto tried to give him a hug.

The park, which was purchased by (you guessed it) Trinity Broadcasting Network, had been in financial trouble until TBN stepped in to purchase it with their untold fortunes amassed from Social Security checks nationwide. TBN hope to use their theme park as a set for filming television shows and movies “the way Universal Studios does”.

Interestingly enough, the park was formerly owned by a Baptist preacher from New Jersey named Rev. Marvin Rosenthal who is Jewish. After continuously losing money and being crucified with paradoxes Rosenthal decided to sell his park to TBN.

TBN plans to ramp up the excitement of the park by offering several new attractions including The Stoning Booth and The Wave Pool of Galilee. There will also be some animal attractions and a place where children can feed the lepers.

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