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The Bells of St. Ebenezer

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Dark Corner, SC – Not to be outdone by the recent decision of The First Two Square Five Points Calvinist Church to allow the internment of ashes on their property, another local church has jumped on the liturgical bandwagon.

St. Ebenezer Community Church and Masonic Lodge added the tolling of bells to their daily rituals. Some nearby residents were caught off guard by the ubiquitous bell tones.

“I was lettin’ my dogs out, when I heard these chimes playing What a Friend We have in Jesus” said Leon Dillweed. “I thought it was Jesus ringing my doorbell and the rapture happenin’ until I noticed that it was coming from the church. That was a relief.”

The bell ringing decision took 25 deacon meetings over a period of 2 weeks. Reginald Turtlewood, the chairman of the deacon board, stated that the debate centered on two issues: whether to build an actual bell tower with real bells or just install a loudspeaker in the new electronic sign.

The board was leaning toward building the tower until someone pointed out that “Big Chief” Henson, the last church member with a hunchback, had died several years ago and they had no one to ring the bells.

An agreement was reached to pursue the sign option when it was pointed out that the electronic chimes from the sign could also be played during ash internments if that was ever pursued. As one deacon pointed out “We put in that designated smoking area for the deacons several years ago. It’s right beside the sign. People could just throw the ashes of their departed loved ones there amongst the cigarette butts.”

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