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Dark Corner Church Allows Ash Burial

ebenzer pools

Dark Corner, SC – The First Two Square Five Points Calvinist Church announced plans to allow the interment of ashes on their property. Their decision was prompted by the recent widening of Big Rut Road beside the church’s cemetery which cut into available space to bury church members.

The road widening project, the first of its kind in the county to add moped lanes, was necessary because of the increased number of moped riders in the Dark Corner. G. G. Dill, a frequent rider and president of the DC Likker Sickle Club praised the road project, “They’s a lot of people ridin’ these days with this economy goin’ on. People losin’ their jobs, gettin’ drunk, losin’ their driver’s licenses’ and all. Then they’s these young un’s just a ridin’ for pleasure, you know what I mean. This new moped lane keeps them out of trouble and in the road where they belong.”

The decision by the church was not without controversy. Though the minister and elders agreed on the concept, the manner of handling the ashes was hotly debated.  The Rev. Lester Tewksberry, along with several elders wanted a pool of remembrance where the ashes could be sprinkled. He commented, “Just imagine what it would mean to a life-long Calvinist to know that they were sprinkled at birth then sprinkled at death. It’s that whole circle thing.” Designed with a self-cleaning feature, the pool could handle an infinite number of burials. The pool would also have a whirlpool option if you wanted to give your loved-one a flushing effect.

An opposing group of elders favored a more traditional approach. A preliminary design presented at the meeting showed a metal storage unit with multiple rows and columns of doors. Each door featured a lock with a coin slot and removable key. The design borrowed heavily from the types of small locker units found at bus stations. One goal of the design was to allow for both short term and long term storage of loved ones. The storage design was also projected to raise more revenue than the pool design. Elder Hoot Wooten pointed out, “Just think of the convenience of having short-term storage options for your loved ones. I mean, daddy gets killed drunk driving one night. You know how these things are. He’s dead, layin’ there in the road, mopeds speedin’ by and you don’t know what to do with him. This way you can just feed some dollars into the locker of your choice, put his ashes inside and come get him when the shock wears off. You just have to remember to put more dollars in each month or he will expire . . . again.”

The final vote was 5 to 4 with the church committee going with the pool option. Tewksberry said, “The final vote swung our way when somebody had the idea that the church youth’s could play in the pool during the summertime. We’ll just have to figure out a way to keep them from wearing out that flush handle.”

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