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Senate District 5 Race

GREER – Republican voters throughout the Greenville Netherlands head to the polls to chose a replacement for long-time State Senator Pappy O’Verne (D/R – His Front Porch). The heavy field is made up of reputed Representative Lewis Vaughn, and some other people.

In a bid to get her consultants a nicer boat, candidate Kathleen Gresham launched an all out attack against her two closest opponents: Vaughn and No-Nothing Michael Mellinger. Her attack accused Vaughn of being incompetent and said Mellinger was a “right-wing, gun-loving, abortion-hater” who could never appeal to the nearly dozens of moderate Republicans who live in the district.

Vaughn responded by stamping his little feet and screaming incoherently about truth squads (or death squads, it was hard to tell), while Mellinger asked if he could raise Gresham a little money would she run the ads some more.

Although heavily favored not to lose, Vaughn rolled out the Big Guns to counter-attack “Bigun” (AKA Gresham). Vaughn’s Columbia-based surrogates launched an all out offensive, savagely accusing Gresham of being a lawyer, and a crooked one at that. Voters wondered why he was being so wordy.

Which candidate the voters will choose is still a mystery, but election commission officials expect turnout to be high since the vote takes place the week before Southern Baptist New Year and a lot of folks will be going to the Social Hall to pick their new Sunday School Quarterlies and might be confused enough to get in the wrong line.

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