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New Bill Would Require Fetus to Watch Abortion Procedure

D.C. – A new bill recently passed by the House of Representatives would require any woman seeking an abortion to have her fetus view the procedure. This controversial bill has had members of both parties trying to figure out which is the most popular stance to take. On the one hand, the bill seems almost barbaric and would require someone without a soul to vote for it. On the other hand, politicians don’t have souls and fetuses can’t vote.

Supreme Court justices haven’t weighed in on the possibility of challenges to this bill if passed by the Senate, however it is rumored that it will not be overturned since they have already ruled that life begins at birth and so do civil liberties. According to the Attorney General, who wishes to remain nameless, this bill would be no different than requiring a cancerous tumor to view it’s excision.

“I don’t really like the idea, but I really haven’t heard any fetuses coming out against it, so I guess if it’s okay with them, it’s okay with me.” – Tony Trout (NHS).

We interrupted the Reverend Jerry Fallwell from his bag of Cheetos for this statement:

“Abortion is murder. This bill condones murder, and it requires the person to view his or her own murder. Even though this is a better plot than all three Saw movies combined, it is still wrong.”

We at the DCN do not support this bill or the consumption of Cheetos.

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