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Confused Contestant Brings Golden Calf to American Idol Tryouts

LOS ANGELES – Onlookers were intrigued last week by a young Israeli man who wheeled in a golden calf to the 2008 American Idol tryouts. 24-year-old, Aaron Mooby, claimed he was “just trying to win the contest.”

“Do you know how many earrings I had to melt down to make this? How was I supposed to know this was a singing contest?”

How indeed? Mr Mooby had even named the calf after his favorite anti-Semitic judge, Simon Cowell. Although, Aaron felt like he had made the most embarrassing mistake of his life (except for the time that he wet his kippot in Shul) he managed to figure out his error just in time to perform for the judges. His stirring rendition of Radar Love had the audience captivated and immediately after his performance the crowd began to fall down and worship him… or so he thought.

You see, what happened in Aaron’s mind and what really happened are two different events. For the most part, people who try out for American Idol actually believe that they can sing and so did Aaron. Also, in the world according to Aaron, it would not be unrealistic for people to fall down in awe of his musical ability and worship him. His brother, Dick Mooby, told the DCN that the crowd began praying to the golden calf in hopes that it would help them qualify for the next round of American Idol.

“These kids will do anything for attention, especially if they think it will help their chances of winning. If you ask me, the only thing more ridiculous than a bunch of kids worshiping a golden calf is Scientology.”

What’s so ridiculous about a race of aliens who colonized the Earth with other aliens who they later destroyed so their souls could plague us with negative feelings until we give washed up Hollywood has-beens money to help us rid ourselves of the negative souls? If you ask me, I think it’s well worth the $15 a month to get that WITH free software upgrades AND unlimited access to the World of Warcraft.

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