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Marijuana Industry Expects Record Profits as Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo Simultaneously Release New Gaming Systems

WORLD, THE – Next month’s release of the Play Station 3, Xbox 360, and Nintendo Wii have marijuana producers worldwide bolstering their inventory. ”

I haven’t seen this kind of turnout since the ice cream truck overturned in front of my house,” said a source who wishes to remain nameless (but provided us with a pager number for any interested readers – we know who you are).

We asked our anonymous source if he thought the steep prices of the gaming systems (ranging from $200 to $600) would hurt the market, but he feels that most of his clients “know how to steal.” The DCN caught of with some neighborhood vagrants to see which their reactions to the new systems.

“Xbox got uber-dank graphics and [expletive], yo, but Play Station got the games down tiz-zight. The Wii got a smokin’ controller, but it might be hard to maneuver stoned.” We asked Eddie “T-bonz” Hascal which system he would be purchasing.

“Yo, I ain’t got no green. I ain’t even got green to buy green, you know what I’m sayin’. But my friends will get them, so hopefully I’ll be able to acquire all three.”

We made sure to inform T-bonz that none of the DCN staff would be purchasing any of the gaming systems and not to come over to “borrow” an extra controller.

Also expected to benefit from the simultaneous release are Little Debbie, KFC, and Phillies Blunt, so use your kid’s Chirstmas money to buy stock now, and maybe next year you won’t get caught knocking off the cigarette truck on Wade Hampton Boulevard.

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