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There’s No Sand in Sanity

VATICAN, THE – Scores of Catholics erupted in flagrant demonstrations around the world in response to the response of Muslims to the remarks made by Pope Benedict last Sunday about the prophet Mohammed’s teachings being “evil” and “inhuman.” Although, these remarks were made between the early morning teenage contemporary Rock Out for Jesus (and Mary) mass and the later morning Old People Who Still Don’t Speak Latin But Are More Comfortable Not Understanding and Therefore, Not Paying Very Much Attention To Much of Anything That’s Going On” mass, Muslim leaders felt the remark was irresponsible and representative of just how hateful and destructive the behavior of most Catholics can be.

Muslim Cleric Nasr Abu Zayd, responded that “the prophet Mohammed’s message was not a message of evil and inhumanity, but a message of peace and love, hope and destruction, happiness and explosions.” Abu Zayd, who shares his name with the worst Scrabble draw ever, went on to say that it was the Catholic faith that promoted “evil and inhumanity.”

It was in response to the Pope’s statement that Muslims attacked seven middle-eastern churches, killed one Italian nun in Somalia, and someone threw a McFury goat-blood shake container into the drive through window of a McFaheed’s in Kabul. No group has claimed responsibility for that attack.
(Why do they call it the McFury, you might ask? Because, the fury of Allah rages through your bowels when you drink one, or so the slogan goes). This writer must admit that there’s nothing more evil and/or inhuman than goat blood sprinkled with Heath bar crunch.

Muslims (even Chinese Muslims, no really… yeah, me either) are demanding that the Pope’s statements be retracted, and Catholics are demanding that Abu Sayd’s statements be retracted. Meanwhile, everyone who bought a McFury is demanding that the abdominal clamps be retracted to remove the demon from their bowels.

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