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High School Student Declares He’ll Kill Anyone in the Room for a Million Dollars.

BLUE RIDGE – Mrs Moran’s high school sociology classes are not accustomed to excitement or interesting discussions. In fact, last year her class received the “Most Boring Class Ever in the History of the World – No Take Backs, Best Friends Forever” Award – voted on by the students of Blue Ridge High School. However, after last weeks outburst by one of her students, her class has been the topic of heated discussion among parents, teachers, the school board, and various single, middle-aged alumni who never seemed to stop hanging out on the school grounds.

There were 15 minutes left to go in Mrs Moran’s sociology class when the outburst occurred. She had just finished a lecture, to which few had been listening, on the perils of popular Hip Hop music and how it teaches people to be motivated by greed, violence, and sex. It was at this point that high school senior, Willie Woodmont, 24, raised his hand.

“Yes, Willie?” Mrs Moran responded.
“I hate to tell you this, Mrs Moran, but I’d kill anyone in this room for a million dollars.”
“Willie!” She exclaimed.
“Money make the world go ’round,” was his triumphant reply.

To Mrs Moran’s disbelief, the majority of the students in her class were in agreement with Mr Woodmont and his assessment that “one-million dollars is well worth taking the life of a person who, at best, you are friends with by proximity and who you will probably never see again after graduation unless you’re a total loser and you go to your high school reunion in five years. And who’s to say the person that you killed was even planning on going to the reunion?” – 18 year old senior, Brian McCloud of the Clan McCloud (He requested that the last part be added)

I asked Mr Woodmont if he was planning on attending his five year reunion?

“[expletive], no! Well… if someone gave me a million dollars I’d definitely [expletive] go just to piss everybody off. I been tryin’ to [expletive] graduate for six years now. There ain’t no way in [expletive] I’m coming back up in this [expletive] after I’m gone. [expletive].”

To follow up on this article, I contacted renowned physicist and musicologist, Dr. Andre “Dre” Young at his lab in Compton, Cali Cali. He pointed out that not only was Mr Woodmont’s assessment correct, but that money was responsible for an assortment of other natural forces of nature.

“Gravity, nuclear forces, the spin in a bowling ball – all that [expletive] is controlled by money. How you think an airplane fly?”

Well, you, Mr Woodmont, should be saluted. I would say you are ahead of your time, but seeing as how you’re a 24 year old high school senior, let’s just say you broke even. In any event, I guess money does make the [expletive] world go ’round.

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