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Tony Trout: Man, Reptile or Homosexual

With the massive routing of Thomas Jefferson Warwick III by Joe Dill in the recent election still fresh in the voter’s minds, a very small few are asking who was this white man with the black man’s name, what was that strange symbol on his election signs and how did he end up in the DC.

The fact is that nobody knows why he has a black man’s name other than maybe the obvious reason and only his mother can solve that mystery. As far as how he came to reside in the DC, an area known for its tolerance, that subject is still being researched.

However, facts have surfaced about the strange whip-wielding figure on his election signs. Some believe that it has occult overtones. Earl Higginbotham remarked, “I seen his signs up in Saluda when me and my brothers were slipping in the watershed to fish. That do-hicky on that sign looked like a devil symbol, like maybe the devil was whipping somebody.”

Warwick’s lone supporter thought it was just a symbol of his environmental position as observed by Gert Weinberg, a recent immigrant to the DC from New Jersey, “Jefferson’s little sign reflects his post-modern view of how the people down here have abused mother earth.   It shouldn’t be feared – the people down here should be feared….” The rest of Weinberg’s answer was inaudible as Jim Anthony’s D9 CAT cranked up to knock the top of off Watson’s mountain so that Weinberg and his new neighbor’s could get a better view of the wilderness.

Most people, however, believe it is a symbol of the blood pact between Warwick and Tony Trout, a notorious homosexual. When questioned on this allegation, Trout replied, “ Sure . . .  me and Jeff got a special relationship. I call him Flyrod because he’s so flexible he can get the bait into really tight spaces . . . and I’m the Big Mouth Trout . . . get it?” Trout refused to comment further on the whip.

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