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Da Vinci Code Not As Popular As Contra Code

Although the subject of a best-selling, and extremely long book by Dan Brown, as well as a major motion picture starring Tom Hanks (of Bosom Buddies) and directed by Ron Howard (Happy Days), Da Vinci’s Code is not as popular as the critics would have people believe. In fact, some experts argue the code itself is complicated and of little use to the average consumer.

“There are so many more useful codes out there,” says Daniel Bearhugger, who served as a  Navajo code-breaker in World War II. “Like your ATM code, or your alarm code, or the code of ethics by which your country lives that state you will always abide by your word.” You may remember Bearhugger as the pessimistic older Navajo in Nicholas Cage’s poorly-received film, “Windtalkers.”

Experts believe the hype surrounding Da Vinci’s Code dates back to the failure of Euro-Disney. France, desperate to revive its dismal economy, decided to give its own culture one last shot before changing to a new one, and began searching for some landmarks to exploit with a fresh marketing campaign. In a 1992 cabinet meeting, Jean Pierre Le Tuant de Napolean, assistant to the president before Jacque Chirac, recalled a trip he took in primary school to a large stone building full of funny paintings. After some extensive research, French officials discovered he was referring to the Louvre. In a press conference immediately following the museum’s discovery, French officials announced it would serve as the launching point for their economic revitalization.

“If there’s one the thing the French are good at, and I mean one thing, it’s hype,” says Dr. Algie Cornwall, an expert. “Shortly after remembering the Louvre, French authorities discovered Da Vinci’s Code. They had no idea what it meant. No one did. It was just a bunch of numbers and doodles, like that fake cursive little kids write before they learn the real thing. Or all that meaningless hooey the Egyptians carved on every available surface. Anyway, so the French had an essay contest. One of the few smart things they’ve ever done. If they’d had decent ideas like that during the war, maybe I wouldn’t have lost my eye liberating them. Them and that bloody Maginot Line.”

Dan Brown won the contest with his essay, “What the Da Vinci Code Means to Me,” and was given the key to Paris in a ceremony broadcast on French Public Radio to a handful of elderly listeners. The next day, he sold the key to Pierre “the Pirate” Sessant and used the money to hire a ghost writer who turned his twenty-five word essay into his best-selling novel, “The Da Vinci Code.”

According to Nigel Merryweather, of the Merryweather Institute for Diverse Surveying of People in All Areas and Walks of Life, the most famous code in the world is not Da Vinci’s.

“In a poll we conducted covering the world, even the little islands out in the ocean, we discovered the most popular code is the code for the futuristic combat game Contra, created for the original Nintendo. It is quite simply the most practical code in existence.”

Contra was introduced by Nintendo in the mid-1980’s. Within a year, word was spreading of the existence of a code, the Kanobi Code, allowing a player virtual immortality.

“The Kanobi Code, or Contra Code as it is more commonly known, is by far the most used sequence of numbers and letters on the planet. It is also the most controversial. I witnessed two American graduate students at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill all but come to blows over the correct alphabetic sequence at the latter part of the code,” Merryweather says.

According to his research, the last bit of the Contra Code is the most highly-disputed with some supporting ABAB Select Start, and some BABA Select Start. Merryweather’s research also uncovered decades -old markings on fragments of bark in Irian Jaya, revealing that natives there believed in a rare variation: BABA Start Select.

According to an anonymous source at Nintendo, there is only one real code.

“If you punch in those other numbers, you will only get the original three men. I guess the Indonesian natives don’t know that since they don’t have t.v.’s or Nintendos or anything else cool.” Kwan Hyung went on to praise the soon-to-be-released Tomb Raider III by Game Cube. “It’s going to be awesome.” Nintendo would not comment on whether there will be a cheat code, but it is doubtful anyone with a life will care.

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