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South Carolina Currency Tied to the Lottery Ticket Standard

District 14 representative, Mike Pitts (R), has introduced legislation that would mandate the replacement of federal currency with South Carolina lottery tickets. According to Pitts, the adoption of Federal Reserve Notes to replace gold and silver coins was an “unconstitutional substitution.”

Pitts makes it clear he is not advocating the return to gold and silver coins as “that would be ridiculous.” Instead he would like to see a new State Reserve Note (eerily similar to a Junior Jumbo Buck). The new currency’s exchange rate will be tied to the dollar amount of the lottery tickets in circulation.

While many South Carolinians are not in favor of a new currency, some are very excited.

“After beer and cigarettes, I always spend what’s left of my paycheck on scratch-offs and lottery tickets.  Sometimes I get a reasonable rate of return on my investment but most times I  lose my rear end, if you know what I mean.” And we do. “The way I look at it – this way – if I lose on a scratch off it will still represent one State Reserve Note.  I’ll at least break even every time. Eat that, Obama!” – Wells Fargot, Huge Cigarette Outlet cashier.

When we pointed out to Mr Fargot that the new currency would only be tied to lottery tickets and not scratch-offs he stormed up to the counter, punched the androgynous cashier in the face and demanded all his “[expletive] money back.”

The DCN caught up with Mr Pitts to find out why SC needed to abandon the federal currency in the first place.  Pitts told us (courtesy of Hotsheet)  that “if the federal government continues to spend money at the rate it’s spending money, and if it continues to print money at the rate it’s printing money, our economic system is going to collapse.”

The DCN has been printing money for years and our economy has done nothing but grown.  We pressed him to elaborate:

“The Germans felt their system wouldn’t collapse, but it took a wheelbarrow of money to buy a loaf of bread in the 1930s,” he said. “The Soviet Union didn’t think their system would collapse, but it did. Ours is capable of collapsing also.”

So are our heads at this point.  Not only would it be illegal to refuse Federal Reserve Notes as legal tender, the value of lottery tickets fluctuate regularly as the potential payout increases and decreases to the tune of tens of millions of dollars.

We agree that the debt to income ratio is extremely out of whack and unsustainable.  We also agree that our system could indeed collapse at some point in the near future if nothing is done to reverse course.  However, printing a new State currency and tying it to the amount of lottery tickets in circulation would be about as smart as… we don’t know… returning to the Gold Standard.

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