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Drunken Diplomat

JERUSALEM – It seems as though the Israeli ambassadors have something in common with the Saudi Arabian ones. Recently, the Israeli ambassador to El Salvador was found in his front yard bound, gagged, drunk, and wearing nothing but a few sex toys. Tsuriel Raphael, who shares his name with a Pakistani chicken dish, has served the Israeli Foreign Ministry for many years, but this is the first time he has appeared on the popular television show, Cops: El Salvador.

Although no charges were filed, because public disgracefulness is not a crime in El Salvador, the ambassador has been asked to resign his post, and the Foreign Ministry is currently using another popular television show, Who Wants to be an Israeli Foreign Minister?, to fill the void.

This incident is not the first time an Israeli diplomat has brought so much schanden un a charpeh upon the Foreign Ministry. In 2006, Naftali Tamir, the Israeli ambassador to Australia tried to strengthen ties with the country by describing Israel and Australia as two countries located in Asia without “yellow skin and slanted eyes.” Too bad that relationship was farblondzhet when another Israeli diplomat to Australia was caught running his own porn site of naked Brazilian women he’d photographed while on an assignment in Brazil.

And last, but not least, in 2000, the Israeli ambassador to France suffered a fatal heart attack during what is rumored to be sexual intercourse with a woman who was not his wife. However, the Foreign Ministry refused to release the details of the event, so it must have been worse than being tied up naked in your front yard with sex toys while shouting ethnic slurs at your Asian neighbors.

The United Nations left us with this statement regarding the recent events:

“While we do not approve of this sort of behavior in foreign diplomats, we do feel that the Israelis should use anything they have in common with the Arab diplomats as a stepping stone for peace.”

Maybe this years peace talks will be held at the Sex Expo in Los Angeles instead of Camp David.

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