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The Realm of Kul’ Tiras Virtually Empty Since Halo 3 Demo was Released

ORGRIMMAR – After failing to complete several quests, Orenthal decided there just weren’t enough people participating in the World of Warcraft anymore, so he decided to investigate. Our level 22, foreign correspondent traveled from Darnassus to Gadgetzan finding barely anyone with whom to speak, let alone join in his quests.

“I thought for sure that there would be some guys at the Crossroads telling Chuck Norris jokes, but even those guys had left. Almost everyone I saw had <afk> above their names.” – Orenthal James Simpleton, freelance foreign correspondent.(For those of you with unfamiliar with the shame and reproach of living a virtual social life, <afk> stands for “away from keyboard” and is used as a standby mode for role-playing videogame characters after extended periods of inactivity. It will usually appear above the character’s head).

“After using the number lock to run all the way back to Orgrimmar, I noticed a level one warrior doing battle with a squirrel. I quickly resurrected him and finished off the squirrel giving him one experience point and stealing the other three points for myself. Afterward, he told me that the Halo 3 demo had been released and almost everyone in the World (of Warcraft) had left for the fun of the first-person shooter game.”

If you’ve never played Halo or Halo 2 then you’re missing the experience of a lifetime. From what we can gather, there’s a cool intro movie that drops you off of a flying 1976 Grand Torino into Yellowstone National Park where you run around frantically waiting for a more experienced player to shoot you in the head. The entire experience lasts about three seconds, and it reminds me of something the Nazis would play. So it’s no wonder people have given up the camaraderie and cooperative efforts of the World of Warcraft to return to the every man for himself, kill or be killed realm of Halo.

The game, which is scheduled to be released in its full version sometime in the next six months, has gamers lining up in front of Best Buys and Targets all over the nation. Three people have already died from ammonia toxicity from drinking their own urine. At least one enthusiast expects to make it to the release date due to the fact that he brought an entire duffel bag filled with marijuana. The DCN salutes these brave souls and their dedication to all non-work related activities.

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