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Bob Jones Student’s Parents “Just Happy He’s not Gay.”

GREENVILLE – In an effort to fight homosexuality, a Bob Jones University student has taken it upon himself to spread unbridled heterosexuality throughout the land. However, this modern-day Levi Coffin has gotten himself into a mess o’ trouble with the police. According to a police report, a woman at a local tanning salon was applying tanning lotion behind a privacy barrier, when 21-year-old Bryan Bice climbed up on to a chair to take pictures of her with his cell phone.

Even more interesting is that the police have charged Bice with voyeurism, which can carry a maximum of three years in prison. My neighbors told me that they had no idea that voyeurism was a crime and continued with some other remarks that made me very uncomfortable.

Bice claims that “curiosity got the best of him,” which oddly enough is the gayest excuse I’ve ever heard. On the other hand, he is a Bob Jones University student, which means he’s not exactly Gene Simmons when it comes to knowledge of the female anatomy, and since he is scheduled (or was) to get married in the next month or so, you can hardly blame him for shooting a few free-throws before the big game.

A Bob Jones University spokesman (because women should be seen and not heard) could not be reached for comment. Bice’s parents had only this to say:

“While we do not approve of Bryan’s behavior, we are very excited to put to rest the false notion we had that he might be a notorious homosexual.”

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