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American Idle Contest comes to the DC

Following hard on the heels of George Clooney (who was last spotted getting his butt kicked while playing basketball atthe North Greenville College “where Jesus always wins – and you never will” gym), is another well known Hollywood icon who is coming to the DC to capitalize on the region’s untapped wealth of talent and intelligence. However, instead of just a big time movie producer like Jethro, er George Clooney, the DC will experience the whole entourage of Hollywood shakers that normally tour with American Idle including Ryan Seabass, Simon Rodney Crowell and Paul Abdulla Mullah aka Cathead Stevens (note that the black dude refused to come).

For the uninitiated or just those who were initiated but thought they weren’t because they just didn’t understand the process, American Idle is the hottest show to hit television since . . . whatever the last really hot show was . . . like maybe The Greatest American Hero . . . no, that was a really lame show with some queer dude in tights. No one in the DC would watch that. Well, then . . . how about Petticoat Junction? Now that is a real DC kind of show, with Uncle Joe Dill hanging around the Blue Ridge Water tank where his nieces (so they say) swim around, just to make sure they don’t drown or anything. Old Uncle Joe, always a help.

Anyway, American Idle will show up to search for the idlest man in the DC. Note that this particular contest will be restricted to White men only, since Black men have never been known to enter the DC due to the influence of a certain secret society.

Contestants will have the opportunity to enter the contest under several categories including:
1. Men who have faked disability the longest.
2. Men whose wives work while they pretend to be handymen.
3. Men who work at the fire station.
4. Men who teach driver’s education at Blue Ridge High.
5. Men who hang out at WE Willis’.
6. Any deputy who is assigned to patrol the DC.

The contest will be held at the Blue Ridge Ruritan club next Saturday. Watch your local listings for the broadcast schedule.

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